Chronicles of Michai's Mom

Blog

  • What I Shared With My Team On My Last Day…

    What I Shared With My Team On My Last Day…

    *Photo captured by Shamika Sonia Photography*

    *Some parts had to be adjusted to make sense to those who aren’t on the team*

    MORE THAN 300,000 BLACK WOMEN HAVE BEEN PUSHED OUT OF THEIR DEI RELATED JOBS SINCE 2025! Even Crossnore’s DEI role/language changed. Yet, there are so many Black women continuing to find ways to do the work, to heal, to lead UNAPOLOGETICALLY, and to show up for ourselves and our neighbors.

    Last Friday, I was invited to join other Black leaders for a Black History Month Career Day at a local school. The Career Day was hosted by a Black woman educator who lost her husband last year. Even in her grief, she continues to find ways to show up for the scholars at her school and for (small) businesses in the community. My heart was warm because many of the Black folk who were also there sharing their careers, I’ve also interacted with them through my work at Crossnore’s Center for Trauma Resilient Communities (CTRC), and other spaces in the community. Not to mention, the awareness the scholars had about trauma, mindfulness, the Sensations/Emotions Wheel (thanks Amber), and how they planned to use the Head/Heart/Feet tool with their families.

    Later in the day on last Friday, I joined 100+ Black women at a “Black Women Thrive” Political Party. It was held at a Black woman owned restaurant, with a Black woman DJ, Black woman photographer, Black women speakers, and a host of Black women bipartisan candidates! Make sure you vote…ESPECIALLY IF YOU’RE IN WINSTON-SALEM!

    This came after I, along with 4 other Black women, accepted a call from Kellie Easton, on January 28, after she received funding from a donor to host the event. We (I) told her it was too quick of a turnaround to host something during the primaries. She pressed for it to be held during the primaries. We told her it was a go if women responded to her call. 23 days later…IT WAS A GO because the women responded!

    Photo captured by Assistant District Attorney Amara Hunter

    Pictured next to me is Dr. April Ruffin-Adams, whom you may recognize, among her many vocations, as a Crossnore board member. While my first board service was alongside her husband years ago, she and I first shared space while campaigning for a current judge. We also worked together during Read Write Spell’s transition to Love Literacy. Next to her is Phyllis Caldwell-George, President & CEO of Financial Pathways, who has been doing incredible work with making sure individuals and families, among other things, are financially prepared to own a home, while also supporting mothers who have lactation needs. Kellie is next to her. Those who follow me know her, if you’re new here…Google her. Chelii Broussard is a phenomenal champion for college students, while also leading a number of other initiatives. She and I met at our beloved WSSU. Magalie Yacinthe, among many other things, is the Executive Director of HUSTLE Winston-Salem. Ironically, Magalie and I first shared space on a number of Zooms during Covid where we discussed CTRC’s presence in the Winston-Salem community.

    Black women who adjusted our calendars, pooled our contact lists, and took on tasks for the event, while also focusing on the “businessES that pay us!” All to make sure other Black women heard from candidates, to help them make informed decisions, because we know this city, county, state, and country are A MESS!

    I advocated for naming the hurt Black women felt/feel (caused by those outside and inside the community), and also naming the need for healing. There was some pushback because it was supposed to be a party, so it needed to be upbeat. Well…we partied AND, because there was a longing for an experience like last Friday, AND when Black women like Judge Denise Hartsfield (Ret.), Mama Hazel Mack, Esq., Mama Ruth Hopkins, Mayor Pro Tem DD Adams, Commissioner Dr. Malishai Woodbury, Shayla Herndon-Edmonds, and Rev. Dr. Melva L. Sampson (who volunteered to speak after experiencing the energy in the room) are on the program…healing will take place ‘anyhow’. 

    Why do I share all this? Because, as we close THIS Black History Month, I need trauma informed/resilient practitioners to understand that this was NEVER just a job for me! THIS WAS/IS PERSONAL!!! The curricula I facilitated are among MANY tools I use to survive and thrive as a Black woman in THIS country! I don’t have the luxury to turn things on and off. I don’t have the opportunity to ignore my body when it is dysregulated. For further reasoning behind why this is personal, be sure to reread my bio on the website before it is removed (https://traumaresilient.org/team/micha-james/). *It was rapidly removed, so you can read it in the pics below 🤣* There are spirits and people who push me to say what needs to be said, and do what needs to be done.

    Thankfully, there were some Black women (people) watching and listening when I named patterns I was recognizing at work. Behaviors I was witnessing that were institutionally violent. And thankfully, when the changes at CTRC no longer made sense, when they no longer benefitted the Winston-Salem team internally, nor the Winston-Salem community externally, and they also made me sick (literally), one of those Black women was working on my behalf to make sure I had another job opportunity.

    I know, I know…just as I had to name during last week’s Overview training…race is a social construct. Nevertheless, the side effects of its ‘construct’ion, such as racism, continue to impact SO MANY! Because of the impact of racial/historical trauma, those who don’t identify as Black MUST decide whether you’re an ally, co-conspirator, or an ‘opp’ to the Black (women) community. WE KNOW who you are! DO YOU?! 

    People are hurting. Black women continue to be pushed out of the workforce by the very people, organizations, and institutions they sacrificed and fought for. The colleagues and leaders outside of the Black community, who fight for Black women (people) to be treated fairly, are being targeted and punished. 

    I will end my time with Crossnore’s CTRC as I end each Kijiji Winston-Salem episode (I recorded Episode 171 on Saturday), “Be Vigilant, Be Careful, and I pray you continue to Be Well. Until next time…” ✌🏾

    Micha aka Michai’s Mom 😉

    They Carved Us Up …This is the song Mama Hazel Mack requested to be played ahead of her speech. Listen to the words and hear the cries from the songstress. There is a history lesson and awareness you won’t be able to unhear…✊🏾

    ***This message, includes MY experiences and thoughts, and was written, seen, and approved by only me ahead of clicking send.***

  • “Proactive Versus Reactive”

    “Proactive Versus Reactive”

    Late Tuesday night/early Wednesday morning was filled with SWIFT TRANSITION! I was dozing off earlier than normal, because I knew there were early (cold) mornings ahead, and felt/heard a vibration from my personal and work cell phones. I looked at the email, where the sender and subject line looked familiar. Familiar, yet confusing because we received a similar one in September. I opened it to learn that it was actually a notice of termination for the last two years of funding for the We Heal Together Winston-Salem (WHT-WS) initiative. An initiative that has met and exceeded outcomes over the past two years. An initiative that has impacted so many to not only speak openly about trauma; to also strategize and implement ways to reduce/eliminate trauma. We’ve witnessed transformation in real time during facilitations, the scholars and families in Piedmont Park, and organizations where a number of staff are having different conversations about trust and accountability so they can properly serve the community. We’ve also experienced a number of challenges from people who felt some people in place were undeserving of the roles, the work wasn’t all that impactful…yada, yada, shut up 🤫. Anyway, the train was still going because the data spoke for itself as it named the “BASIC” needs folk in Winston, specifically East Winston, continue to have, and all on the WHT-WS team are determined to address (even though we didn’t create the need).

    The email was alarming…not because the grant funded 100% of my salary, a salary that supports a number of things and people (like many of our salaries do), not because it explained why I always said I didn’t want to work for a nonprofit because the industry is so unstable…because of how far we had stretched the $1m+ we had already used, and how far we had planned to stretch the rest, because of how many people the loss of funding would impact, and because those same people were STILL willing to do the work UNPAID because they understand how many rely on the services offered. To be clear…there aren’t too many colleagues, if any, who only have one job. Most of us HAVE to do “something on the side” to make ends meet. AIN’T NOBODY GETTIN’ RICH OFF THIS WORK!

    AND BECAUSE, as Black people, people who’ve advocated, worked, and risked a lot/everything to stand and serve…we ENTERED this 4 year initiative in 2022/2023 (before the administration changed) with the question…WHAT’S THE PLAN FOR WHEN THE GRANT ENDS IN 2027?! When the administration changed, which was also the midpoint of the grant, the question shifted to, WHAT’S THE PLAN IF THE GRANT IS TERMINATED?!

    The questions were asked because as Black people and people who risked a lot to do the work, we’ve seen this story TOO MANY TIMES before. We knew 4 years wasn’t that long and if there wasn’t a sustainability plan, the work would fall flat. Personally, I asked the question because of a charge I was given in grad school by a professor, one the healthcare industry hadn’t taken on yet, “It is better to be proactive versus reactive.”

    I knew I would still have bills and student loans in 2027. I knew the school aged dependents of my colleagues would have greater needs in 2027. I knew the community’s needs would need to be sustained in 2027 so, in 2023 we asked what’s the plan for 2027?

    I also knew no one was exempt from all the changes taking place in the country. Therefore, I wasn’t surprised by the emails that came, and continue to come, “late in the midnight hour.” I’m also not surprised by the disingenuous/fake outrage. Why? Because I’ve seen that before, too. It’s also not new that some have wished and prayed for the termination. Wanted our balloons to be popped because they care more about WHO IS DOING THE WORK instead of WHO WE ARE DOING THE WORK FOR!

    I, along with the community, am waiting for ACTION! How are budgets going to shift? How are board meeting agendas going to shift? How are thoughts and prayers going to shift to POLICY AND ACTION?!

    Until then, don’t be concerned about me being calm. Being Black in America is traumatic on any given day. Being a Black woman with a voice in America is DANGEROUS, so I’ve BEEN on a wellness journey for years!

    I’ll be over here implementing my trauma informed tools, my tools from my therapist (him telling me, “You can’t be disappointed if you don’t have any expectations”, has shifted my entire mindset), breathing and using the meditation tools from Coach Shayla, running it up in the group chat, you know…doing the normal things because I, along with others, am tired of cleaning up messes we didn’t make. We’re tired of having to be the ones to have the conversation. Hell, we don’t even want to do the work because BASIC NEEDS should already be provided to EVERYONE.

    Tuesday night/Wednesday morning’s alarms were for the disingenuous/fake outraged people. We see you. The community’s watching. What you gon’ do?! 👀🤷🏾

    Thank you to MY KIJIJI…my blood family, my colleagues who have become family, friends, business owners (ByGood Coffee). This week was a wild one. Y’all checked on me, yet were more concerned about the bigger picture; mainly because, you’ve seen this story before, too. “WE ARE WHO WE’VE BEEN WAITING FOR”, and “WE’RE HERE NOW”, so LEEETTT’SSSS GOOOO!!!

    *Cover photo includes gifts that were waiting for me from a colleague who didn’t know I’d stepped outside to share with the team that our jobs may have to end soon.*

  • Michaimom.com is 6 Years Old🫢

    Michaimom.com is 6 Years Old🫢

    I wish I was reminded of the birthday of my blog on my own, however, the notification of when the domain subscription fee will be drafted from my bank account serves as that reminder 😒. It’s been an eventful year ain’t it? I would detail what I mean by that, if it weren’t for this year making me aware of the number of lurkers who mean me no good (insert middle finger).

    Being ‘Michai’s Mom’ has kept me on my toes since labor; he came out when he got good and ready. This year was different. He moved back home and our relationship has been great. It was just, as his mother, I could tell something was off. His behavior was different, he was losing weight, he was holding back and, recently, he started avoiding me. My intuition told me it was school. I still wanted to communicate with him, as the adult he is, and allow him to tell me.

    I asked questions and followed up with, “It’s okay if you feel your answer will be something I don’t like. Just tell me and we’ll work through it together.” Nothing was getting through. Now, I don’t know what more I have to do for folk to understand I am skilled to do certain things. I may not practice nursing, yet I’m trained to assess people and situations. Trauma resilience facilitation is one of the things I do for work, so I watch changes in behavior to understand what the changes mean, and navigate what support may look like. I have been doing some spiritual work that has awakened something that pushes me to pay attention to, and TRUST, my intuition. I rarely have to search for information I need to know…the universe always finds a way to reveal it to me.

    Nevertheless, the people still be out here thinking I don’t know what I know.

    A reminder💁🏾‍♀️…

    My support system remains unmatched, and they’ve shown up in recent weeks after I learned Michai stopped going to school this semester, and doesn’t want to return next semester.

    For those who keep up, and many of you do, he was supposed to graduate in May. He told his dad and me, last May, that he was done with school…he hated it and the way it made him feel…he’d work as much as he needed to in order to care for himself as long as we didn’t make him return. He even considered the military. His dad told him, “Be careful with quitting because, once you start, it becomes easier to walk away from things (he said something else, yet I won’t put that here 😁). Michai cried, yet agreed to push through this last year.

    Because he lost financial aid, I took out a loan to cover summer school, his dad, MY dad (if you know his story, then you know why that is a surprise), a friend and her family created a scholarship and awarded Michai as the first recipient, and I closed my eyes every month I hit submit on the payments to cover fall semester 🫣. We paid it, though.

    I asked about grades. I asked to see grades. I asked about registration. I asked about the outcome of the SAP appeal so we could verify if he would be eligible for aid in the spring. Even if I had to ask a couple times, I got answers to the questions. Still, my intuition (I cringe when I type this because it includes TUITION 😭) said, “Something ain’t right.”

    Payment for spring semester was due a couple weeks ago, yet I didn’t have a bill. I planned to call because I needed to know the financial mountain we were going to have to climb, especially since my finances had changed. I asked Michai whether I would experience any surprises when I called financial aid? He looked me in my eyes and said, “No.” Deep down I knew I would learn what I had been sensing was true yet, again, I was giving HIM the opportunity to share.

    I called financial aid, who sent me to the registrar. After asking questions, the registrar’s office contact said, “You need to have a conversation with your son.” EVERYONE knows that translates to, “You ain’t gon’ like what I tell you, so you need to hear it from him.” 😏

    I called Michai and he had put me on DND. I wanted to go back home, yet I was scheduled to meet people in Winston-Salem who had donations for Full Circle Mentoring. One donor was a friend who’s known Michai since his middle school days in WSSU’s MSEN program. She’s been following us through the years. In fact, she’s who introduced me to the 1Love Festival. She made time to donate even after she shared her father had transitioned earlier in the week. She hung around to ask how Michai was doing? I told her I had JUST learned he hadn’t registered for the spring, and something tells me he didn’t go to school this semester. She assured me he’d be fine, and I needed to focus on myself. She offered an analogy she heard from a minister about sand. “If you hold sand in your closed hand, it will seep through your fingers. If you open your hand, the sand will rest in your palm. You’ve done a great job raising him. You’re going to have to release him.” I tried to hold the tears because she should be the one crying since she just lost her father. I couldn’t hold them. They dripped from under my sunglasses and practically froze to my face because it was so cold that day.

    That was a Tuesday, and a day has NOT gone by where someone has asked about Michai. That’s not all that surprising as people ask about him all the time. What made me chuckle and say, “Okay God, I see you, feel you, and hear you. You can back up off me!”, is the intentionality behind their asks. It was as if they knew something was up. When I told them, they ALL assured me that he’ll eventually finish school. Many have also shared insight into their lives, their children’s lives, and/or their partner’s lives that revealed Michai is right where he needs to be.

    Michai’s 4th grade teacher who was instrumental in a number of ways. I shared with her how timely her message was…
    Ms. Dawson supporting Michai his 5th grade year.
    Us running into her during his 8th grade year, which is also when she connected us with the math tutor who supported Michai from 8th-11th grade.
    Them last week. She’s now married and has a baby of her own…

    Let me be very clear…applying, enrolling, and attending college was MICHAI’S CHOICE, not Michai’s Mom. Honestly, after his junior year in high school (y’all remember 🤨) I didn’t think he’d even apply to college. My words to him have always been, “Let me know your plans so we can map out what support looks like and, whatever path you take, just finish what you start!” Black folk typically don’t have the luxury of having a college fund, so we work for scholarships, and try to get in and GET OUT! Ain’t no 5, 6, 7 years over here. So me finding out that Michai lied about school wasn’t all that disappointing, the disappointment came because he felt he had to carry that weight alone.

    Once he took me off DND, he listened to my tearful audio message, and he sent an emotional one back. It took us a couple days to have a conversation in person, due to scheduling, and being emotionally well enough to listen to each other. We talked, we heard each other, we listened, and it was as if I could see the weight on him getting lighter by the moment. He named that he was no longer passionate about school, he just wanted to work and try his own path. What he mentioned, and didn’t think as much about it as I did, was he hadn’t had an appetite. He also remained emotional and couldn’t explain why. All of this signaled me to ask for help because his freedom lied in the answer to him being emotional. I reached out to a spiritual guide who graciously pulled his astrology chart, and MY WORD! Two things (out of MANY) that were revealing and helped Michai get free (and selfishly freed me, too) were:

    • You’re becoming-not behind
    • This is not a “rush forward” year. It’s a foundation-building year. 🤯🤯🤯

    This info confirmed what I’d been hearing from the village, and took the pain out of my belly so I could let him be who is going to be, while knowing he’ll be fine. This is the same one who came into this world when he got good and ready, the same one who told me in middle school that he was going to strive for honor roll either 1st and 3rd quarters, or 2nd and 4th…NOT ALL 4, and the same one I had to tell I knew something wasn’t right when he said he was making As and Bs this semester. Not that he’s incapable, I just know he’s not that kind of student 🤷🏾‍♀️.

    Always grateful for our village, and grateful to my mother who guided my sister and me along our journeys, and we can now guide Michai along his. Thank you to those who ask me about the “Parenting Chronicles” as you’ve watched Michai mature through so much. All of it reiterates to him what I tell him all the time, “There are so many people you don’t even know who want the best for you. You don’t have to be out here not eating, avoiding me because I remind you of responsibility, or suffering in silence. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!”

    Michai’s communicating, eating (his food AND mine), awake more, whistling, laughing, and giving Sezzle all his money 🙄, so he’s using my skin care products because he won’t tell me he needs to place an order at OMG Wellness. Mainly because I’m going to make him pay me back.

    A rushed note to Michai on top of the store bought product I had under the sink after I had to confiscate my OMG and Lizzie’s skin care products. 🙄

    So yeah…we’re celebrating 6 years of the blog, and 21 years of being a mom. TWENTY AND ONE! I…MICHA…HAVE A 21 YEAR OLD!!!

    ‘Be vigilant, Be Careful, and I Pray You Continue to Be Well”, mind your business, leave people alone, find somewhere to volunteer, wash your hands (the whole hand and not just the finger tips), brush/floss/gargle, support Black businesses and Black nonprofits, be honest, don’t take advantage of folk, find me a quick weight loss remedy that won’t have me looking like a Demogorgon, encourage our youth and each other because this lifeing shit is HARD and, DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP BECAUSE…THIS.LIFEING.SHIT.IS.HARD!!!

    *Michai has to pay the scholarship back, and I’ve already told the friend to get the money back from NCAT that’s sitting in his account for spring. He also has to pay ME back, ’cause why didn’t he withdraw so we didn’t have to keep paying?!? What happens when you don’t ask for help🫰🏾💰*

    …or he…

  • Legacy…

    Legacy…

    What an honor to have been invited to view an exhibit that represents so much of Winston-Salem’s history and highlights the impact Black folk have in Winston. The creator of the written and visual art of the exhibit transitioned before viewing his work in its current form, however, he made sure it would live on! In fact, I learned tonight that signing the agreement for the exhibit was the final thing his neighbors saw him do before his transition.

    Winston-Salem remains rich in history, and I’m so happy there are those making sure our stories are told BY US, and are documented so those who only know the gentrified version can understand who we are, and why we fight to protect what our ancestors built.

    Thankfully, Jerry Lee Hanes, Sr. shared a lot with Jerry Lee Hanes, Jr., yet there is still a lot to say and know about Old Salem, Happy Hill Gardens, Depot Street, The Safe Bus Company, Winston Mutual, Mechanics and Farmers, Katie Bitting Hospital, WAAA aka Triple A, Slater Industrial Academy, etc. If you, or someone you know, has information to add about Mr. Jerry, or the timeline he created, reach out to Dr. Mike Wakeford at Muse Winston-Salem. [email protected]

    I remain grateful for invitations like the one tonight, as it reminds me of the many conversations held at my grandparents’ (maternal and paternal) dinner tables, and they are also reminders of why the city/county and citizens must do right by Black folk 💁🏾🤷🏾✊🏾!

    Due to the disclaimer, I will not show any art from the exhibit, so please go see/watch when it is displayed in 2026.
  • Stay Focused and KEEP SHOWING UP!!!

    Stay Focused and KEEP SHOWING UP!!!

    April 14 – I had a hysterectomy after months of living with complications from fibroids. Around the same time, I began to dive deeper into the holistic wellness practices.

    May 1 – I was invited to a two-day We In The World event where swift shifts began to take place. I was surrounded by many unfamiliar faces, yet the energy felt like home. It was actually titled, “Legacy and Liberation” and it was there I learned how so many other Black women are suffering from the effects of fibroids and other health issues, and continue to suffer in silence. Those two days also clarified and affirmed some things for me for which I remain grateful.

    Dr. Melva and Darrick know what they have with the 1Love Festival. It’s on us to catch up…

    June 27 – I attended the 1Love Festival’s “Re-Storying and Re-Covering Coded Competencies Artistic Soul Conversation & Institute.” It was a three-day workshop, yet I was only able to attend two. Experiences during those days revealed I was on the right path and to “stay focused.” I’ve seen some of the participants since the 1Love Festival and we still can’t quite find the words to describe what we experienced.

    July 24 – I was invited to a sound bath/meditation and the conversation afterwards, while inexplicable, continue to affirm things I’ve been feeling for a long time. 🧘🏾

    Hosted by Sharon Frazier

    August 1 – I worked at the Healing Train-sformation event, and Michai and Jayauna volunteered. They were able to experience a sound bath, which awakened something in Michai. I’m grateful to have been there to witness and happy to see him begin his spiritual journey much sooner than me.

    August 2 – I had my first Reiki session… 🙏🏾🙌🏾

    August 7 – Michai turned 21! 🫢

    August 16 – I attended an event where the energy from some of the folk wasn’t quite right, yet I kept hearing, “stay focused.” At the same event was where I received notice of something that went public last week.

    Thank you to Shayla, Curtis, and The Kizzy Foundation🙌🏾

    August 27 – Michai being the recipient of the OMG Wellness Bar’s Inaugural Scholarship is another sign for me/us to “Stay Focused and KEEP SHOWING UP!” Because of his academic performance in the Spring semester, he didn’t qualify for federal dollars, which meant he also didn’t qualify for dollars from the University. This scholarship happened at a time when the cost of living continues to rise while incomes, if you have one, remain steady. As I type this, per Life360, Michai is on his way to a job orientation. After I type this, I have to log on to NCAT’s website to make a tuition payment plan payment. 🫠

    August 30 – I attended “The Art of Community : A Day of Wellness” hosted by Be Well Women’s Wellness Collective, where my competitive Spirit woke up. I did have a major surgery a few months ago, and my knees ain’t been right for a while, yet I still can’t let women, 10-20 years my senior, out-twerk me 💁🏾! So many Black vendors collaborated, and all of them were out to help us get well. 🥰

    Congratulations Brianna

    August 30 – “Live at 5p” on Kijiji Winston-Salem’s Facebook page was another reminder of how Black people, particularly Black women, continue to suffer in silence. So grateful to host a platform where people feel safe to be vulnerable and share.

    Thank you again, Shayla and Curtis!

    August 31 – I went on a hike! It reminded me of my days as a Pathfinder, and how much I love the outdoors and outdoor activities. The reminders also brought up how those memories were so joyful because someone else brought the supplies 🤭. We were granted another opportunity to meditate by a sound bath, and were gifted eucalyptus scented cold towels at the end 🥹!!! My competitive nature was awakened again because although the trail was short, the hike was steep and I was NOT about to be the only one out there panting like a puppy 🐶👎🏾🙅🏾, so I practiced all the breath control techniques I could think of.

    August 31/September 1 – After the hike, I was made aware of some things that could’ve easily made me lose focus. For a few minutes I did. When I look back over all I’ve been through…physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally…THIS YEAR ALONE 😳, I gotta remain focused and I gotta keep showing up because, “This is Personal.”, my ancestors are watching, and my village don’t play about me! 🙌🏾🫶🏾💃🏾

  • I Told You…

    I Told You…

    …was not something we heard from our Mom, and I try to not say that as Michai’s Mom. Michai belongs to a different generation which requires a different type parenting, so I may not explicitly say, “I told you…”, yet I WILL remind him of what I said and why I said it.

    What did I tell Michai about this time, you ask?!? THE COST OF LIVING and THE NEED TO BUDGET!!!

    Crosby Scholars’ African American Men Pursuing Educational Dreams (AAMPED) program is one I’ll always be grateful for, and one I frequently remind Michai of because of the financial literacy course he completed with them. He often says he took the course before making real money. That’s true AND…making real money doesn’t mean he forgot the skills the course taught him.

    Around November/December I told him I would be taking a large portion of his paycheck, until he showed me his budget, because he was spending too much money too fast. He tried to implement a work around 🤦🏾. I still didn’t release the money until I got the budget 💁🏾!

    This could’ve gone a few ways:

    1. He’s well over the age of 18, so he could’ve taken me off his account.
    2. He could’ve had auto drafts that would’ve taken the money before I had a chance to manage it.
    3. He could understand the situation for what it was and accepted my help.

    He went with the third option. I wish he would’ve opted for that BEFORE moving out, however…nah, I still wish he would’ve done that BEFORE moving out 🙄🤷🏾.

    Our final conversation before he left was that I could NOT care for two households, so if he left has going to have to truly be responsible for his expenses or he was going to have to come back.

    Jayauna is the one who has the alarms for the due dates of their bills. I know my son and, while he’s more conservative with his money than I was at his age, he’s still a Leo, therefore he wants to spend his money WHEN he wants to spend it and for WHAT he wants to spend it on. Meaning, those alarms were coming sooner than he wanted them to and for things he didn’t want to commit to EVERY MONTH! 🤭

    Michai was distancing himself from me, and we only communicated when I initiated it. FaceTime allowed me to “lay eyes on him” and, when I did see him in person, I noticed his body language and disposition changed.

    We finally had a conversation in April about what I was noticing and I told him to come home. Learn from this year. Get himself together. Save up and be more prepared when he goes out next time. I also talked to him and Jayauna together and told them that they are choosing to be out on their own and pay all this money. No need to get in debt and have to pay higher interest rates. Neither family put them out, they like their respective families, and their respective families like them so there’s no reason they can’t go back home to finish their college careers.

    I DON’T LIKE CONFLICT, so I’m grateful they understood I was coming from a place of love and that going home didn’t mean they had to break up.

    There is more to the story about what we (Michai, Jayauna, and I…and Michai, Vince, and I) discussed regarding life and lifelong relationships, yet that’s for another blog post on another day.

    Ultimately, parenting still ain’t for the weak. Michai continues to learn how adulting ain’t for the weak. Being a boy mom of a boy who is in a relationship where they have renamed each other “Bae” definitely ain’t for the weak. 🫠

    I’ve saddled up, though…in preparation of being a boy mom of a boy who is in a relationship AND of being a boy mom of a boy who is returning home 😳🫣

    🏇🏽🏇🏇🤠💃🏾🙏🏾🥰🙌🏾

  • I Am Black Everyday!!!

    I Am Black Everyday!!!

    I wanted to write this in real time, howsoever, I had to get home and get this Spanx off expeditiously. My vision was getting blurry😩! I also wanted to catch part of Tabor’s playoff game and the last CIAA semifinal.

    If you’re following Kijiji, you would have seen me share Carter G. Woodson’s Black History Month Celebration. I had a feeling it was going to be a family reunion like celebration, and THAT IT WAS! Before I get to that, let me share a little about why celebrating is so important to me.

    I received a call last night from one of my mother’s cousins in NY who was calling to ask me to spread the word to my grandmother’s children about the passing of another cousin.

    I started my day by going to the funeral of one of my father’s cousins whose mother passed not too long ago.

    During the family gathering I text another cousin on my dad’s side to check on him. He told me he and his family were good and he was in Baltimore waiting to finish his last Zoom so he could go enjoy the CIAA. He mentioned being told about the passing of the cousin whose funeral I was attending, and that he couldn’t place his face because he’s been gone from the city for so long. His parents typically helped him remember people. They both died last year 😔.

    We discussed the need to learn about family especially since we have kids who are in/going to college and may mess around and date a cousin 🫣. I told him I was determined to learn and LIVE because I’ve been to ENOUGH funerals.

    It’s “Buy Black” everyday for me so I introduced ByGood Coffee to a friend to celebrate his birthday. There, we ran into a lot of familiar faces who were all doing their part to make sure Black folk get what we deserve. We laughed, swapped memories, and shared plans. One thing we ALL had in common was…we were so glad it’s Friday!

    Frank mentioned that I don’t blog as often, so here you go 🤭

    *For you nosey people*

    Yes I worked today. I’m simply sharing details that make my point about why it’s important to celebrate life. Oh, and mind yo bitness 🙄💁🏾

    Getting dressed for The Ultimate Black History Month Celebration was next on the list, so I could party and receive an award 🫢. I got dressed at my mom’s which included a regular reminder of me encouraging her to do certain things with her life because of what she encouraged her parents to do with theirs 💁🏾.

    I was honored to be alongside some incredible visionaries who have some powerful voices!

    Thank you to Rasheedah Bey, my high school classmate and fellow HBCU Alumna, for including me! I want to thank her mother, Ms. Hazel Mack, for putting her vision into action by founding Carter G. Woodson School and creating space for us at Other Suns! I know Rasheedah made the Executive Director, Darlene Steele, use my work email because she knew I couldn’t say I didn’t see the invitation 🤦🏾.

    It’s an absolute privilege to be Black and to fellowship together with the elders who have paved the way. Michai sat next to me and we were asked to move down to make room for a man and woman. He asked who the man was because everyone kept coming to talk to him during the program? The man’s hat obstructed my view and I didn’t want to stare, so I told him he was more than likely a Black Panther since they typically show up to celebrate one another. At the end, I saw that it was Dr. Larry Little!!! Of course everyone wanted to talk to him 🙌🏾.

    People like him, Ms. Hazel, and so many courageous others are examples of why I can’t quit. I.CANNOT.QUIT!!! WE.CANNOT.QUIT!

    Continue to ‘Buy Black’ everyday (I bought Michai some Beard Balm and me some earrings from the vendors), follow Carter G. Woodson on IG (lifeofacgweagle), celebrate LIFE because “folk dying who ain’t never died before”, and DO.NOT.QUIT!!!

  • Happy 5th Birthday to Michaismom.com

    Happy 5th Birthday to Michaismom.com

    5 years ago today, I planned to stay home and do some self care before picking Michai up at my mom’s. *Read the post from 12.25.2019*

    That was interrupted by being called into work which I agreed to because my car payment was due, my dad had car trouble and didn’t follow instructions regarding transporting Michai, which all required me to do more peopling than desired, and I created a blog and wrote my first post!

    Fast forward 5 years:

    • I still have 2 jobs, however, neither require me to work on holidays 🎉

    • I still have a car payment 😔

    • my dad just left a message while inpatient at yet another rehab facility, back on this side of the state, and proclaims it to be the best Christmas he’s had in 45 years 😏

    • my mom is living her best life and will continue to if she listens to her children 🤦🏾

    • Michai is now driving himself, and is hopefully completing the FAFSA before he starts working (yes, he’s now the one who works in a field that doesn’t close for the holidays ), because the way his fall grades were set up, he better gon’ head and get on up outta there before they ask him to leave 💁🏾🙄

    • I will probably finally be able to, 5 years later, stay home and watch Netflix (for Bey’s halftime show and The Starting 5), while eating my favorite snacks (not too much or too many, though, because this back is backin’ baby 🫣😩)

    • WE GET TO CELEBRATE Y’ALL READING 5 YEARS OF THE CHRONICLES OF MICHAI’S MOM!!! 🥳🥳🥳

    So much has happened, and I’m grateful for it all!!! I’m definitely at the age/stage of trying to remember where the time has gone, while also having a hard time believing it’ll be a different year in 8 days. Ain’t God alright? 🙌🏾💃🏾

    Be Vigilant, Be Careful, and we pray you continue to Be Well!!!

    Micha, Jayauna, Michai, and Teddy 🫶🏾

  • Couch Coaching

    Couch Coaching

    A lot has happened in the past 24° related to football and I wasn’t going to say anything after Friday night, yet yesterday’s games took things over the edge! Friday night was Mount Tabor’s Homecoming and it was nice to see classes as early as ‘89 come to the game. What wasn’t nice is the one or two Couch Coaches who tear my nerves up EVERY game!

    One of them has bad knees with a touch of racism. Not clowning his health, and at the same time making it known that he can’t do the things he complains about the coaches, players, and refs doing every week. His racism keeps him far away from me. He’ll talk to Michai, though, because he thinks Michai doesn’t know how his racist tactics affected Michai and his team when they played in the 8th grade. I also don’t think he thought his son would end up being the minority on Tabor’s team and surrounded by so many Blacks every day 💁🏾.

    The other Couch Coach yells the most random football terms/plays. I think he wants someone to pick him up for a coaching job from the stands, however, he’s incredibly annoying. What was more annoying is that he and others surrounded me at yesterday’s WSSU game.

    A friend used to provide game day amenities. I could get there early, be in air conditioning, and AWAY FROM PEOPLE! So much has changed with game day operations and I now have to be WITH PEOPLE 😏. People who call for coaches to get fired. People who yell for the offense to not sit down since, “they ain’t done nothing all game.” As if they aren’t out there running in the same heat we are sitting in, with equipment and helmets on. And who is going to raise the money to pay for these new coaches?!? These are also the same people that have Michai calling me, DURING THE GAME, with his frustration about ‘us’ calling in to Apple and being some of his rudest customers. He and Jayauna (she works for a technology vendor, too) say that ‘we’ can do better. Shout out to Deanie for saving me a seat and laughing with me, though.

    Back to the Couch Coaches…

    Now, I put on my Coach hat when I was talking to a high school official yesterday and asked if his colleagues had to call ALL the penalties in the rule book Friday night, and did they not understand we had worked all week and didn’t want to be out there until 10p?!?!? He and another man, who is also an official, laughed and they both agreed with me. The one who was at Tabor said he was on the headset telling them, “okay guys, that’s enough.” He also said he heard a lot of unrealistic complaints, aka Couch Coaching, outside the press box. I told him I knew who he was talking about (the racist I mentioned earlier) because I sit outside the press box, too. I told them my dad was a ref and I wanted to be one, yet, these parents, coaches, and some fellow refs who they both agreed can be racist and cheat, would have me in jail and I can’t afford bail. They both put their heads down when I told them who my dad is 🫣🤭, and one said, “Come on and suit up, I’ll bail you out!” 😂🤣

    My daddy. He ignored a lot of what was said in the stands, and eventually I think he truly couldn’t hear what was said 🤭.

    I stopped by a tailgate tent where I walked up on somebody talking about Tabor football and I had to speak up. That took us down a rabbit hole that ended with me being asked, “How do you know so much about football?”, and someone else saying, “It’s refreshing to hear a woman know so much about sports.”

    Both were insulting because all the women I rock with can speak to football, basketball, tennis and golf (thanks to my grandmother and mother, Venus and Serena. I prefer women’s tennis and golf is boring 🫢), baseball and soccer (thanks to Michai playing and both games are too long 😳), so watch yo mouf, sirs🙄💁🏾.

    Came home and watched the Florida State Miami game in preparation for the Colorado game. That’s a whole ‘nother line of Couch Coaching. Instead of celebrating a Black man, with a primarily Black staff, who is transparent about his professional career and parts of his personal life, who is involved in all his kids’ lives and has the opportunity to coach them, people find all the negative aspects about him and the STUDENT (many are still kids) athletes. I shouldn’t be surprised after the ridicule and bid for failure people offered LeBron and Bronny.

    Encourage the players. The game takes a toll on their mental health. You don’t know what they dealt with all week. You don’t know what is happening at home that they can’t control or get back to help with. You don’t know the pressure social media offers because most of y’all are so ol…nevermind. The pressure to perform because they are living up to the best athlete in the family, or their parents are trying to live through them. These high school players are TEENS. What were you doing in YOUR teens? These collegiate athletes are trying to figure out life. Based on some of the comments being thrown at them…many people clearly haven’t figured their lives out, otherwise they wouldn’t be so critical.

    Stop calling for coaches to be fired. What you’re asking for is for the coach and their family to starve. Over a SPORT? A GAME? You want people to starve…🤦🏾

    Have some humanity. Be kind. Mainly, be QUIET, because there aren’t many who will get off their couch to COMMIT (it is a true commitment), and who are capable of doing what you’re expecting the STUDENT athletes, coaches, and refs to do 💁🏾.

    So grateful for technology to be able to watch the games on my phone and on TV because y’all can get on my nerves. 🤫🤐

    Make sure you’ve gone to 👆🏾!
  • The Baby Done Growed Up

    The Baby Done Growed Up

    Since I changed my Facebook profile pic to one that showcases this website, I thought it may be good to publish a new post in case anyone decided to visit.

    This half of the year feels different. I had an amazing weekend with some powerfully calming activities. A weekend where I felt free and felt a shift. A shift professionally, a shift in community, and a shift as a parent. I was able to be gone all weekend and not need a sitter. Didn’t have to check in to make sure Michai ate, was home by a certain time, and sober. That’s mainly because he worked the majority of the weekend and doesn’t let too much mess with his money 💁🏾🤭.

    As I settled in to the fact that today is the start of the second half of the year, it set in that Michai is going to be 20 soon and, around the time of his birthday, he and his girlfriend will be moving in together. I had a lot of thoughts and feelings when he mentioned it weeks ago, however, I feel more at peace now that they’ve been approved for the apartment and it’s actually getting ready to happen.

    The Baby Done Growed Up!

    While I still have to repeat myself about some things 🙄, Michai continues to work towards what he deems important. I respect that and I respect him, mainly because his actions prove he’s actually been listening to me and those who’ve been imparting to him all these years. I’ve been paying attention to his engagement with Jayauna and see they continue to mature. They continue to evolve their communication styles. I did say I wanted them to create a contract (and get it notarized, per Desiree) that holds them accountable to each other because this is new territory for both. As time passes, life changes, and putting things in writing while everyone is in a good head space will increase their chances in being an amicable couple.

    Now, I put on a good face when I see them boo’d up 😳🫢😏, and talk myself down after I put into perspective that they’re technically adults and finna be paying their own rent in their own space 🤷🏾. Not to mention, Michai’s dad reminds me of how things could be looking…describes what he was doing at Michai’s age, which ultimately makes me think about what I was doing, and I guess I should be grateful Michai feels comfortable at home. I guess 🙄.

    Junior year, he’ll have a new address, with a new ‘roommate’, and I don’t think he’ll be coming back to this address to live. As someone who has invested so much and prepared for this day, I still feel the discomfort that change tends to offer.

    Keep praying (only if your prayers are from a good place 💁🏾), because this world can be cruel. My baby is now a man who has his own thoughts and is responsible for his own decisions. I’m also the ‘mom of the son’, and we all know what that can mean. I’m learning to stay in my place and ask for permission before I offer my opinion 🫢.

    Oh, Michai did well in his summer school class so pray he will do well this semester and not need summer school again because that tuition is not in the budget I’ve been asking to see. 🤦🏾