Today’s Work Chronicles…
Begin with an announcement to dog owners: You saying your dog won’t bite does NOT remove the fear from those who are fearful of dogs, ESPECIALLY when the dog is the size of a goat. Lady’s response, “…that’s fine but I don’t do dogs so gone head.”
They end with an exchange I had with a visitor:
Me: How are you?
Him: I’m vertical which is good when you’re 81 like me. *Reaches for a Kleenex and puts it in the bottom his cup*
Me: *My people know, as a healthcare provider, I will wipe any crevice EXCEPT mouths. I despise any oral discharge and because I know what him putting a Kleenex at the bottom of a cup means, my mouth immediately begins to water.* Yes, it is good to be alive and vertical.
Him: *spits in the cup and uses it as he talks with his hands* How old do you think I am?
Me: *dodging the cup because if a molecule of tobacco spit gets on me someone will have to call Russell’s* 81?
Him: Did I tell you that?
Me: Yes *now wondering if he should be signing in as a visitor or if he needs to be admitted*
Him: *spits again* I was a breech baby, you know what that means?
Me: *still dodging spit* Yes, when you’re born bottom first
Him: My momma asked me if I knew I was born breech. When I asked her what it meant, she said, “It’s when you’re born ass first and you’ve been showing yours ever since. *laughs and waves at me with the spit cup*
Me: *exhales as I thank the Lord for keeping me one more day*
I met the wife of the man from yesterday and she does tell him how to do everything. She was telling him how to push her in the wheelchair. She’s in her 80s and has severe osteoporosis but played the piano so beautifully this morning…I know she’ll be going home with him soon.
Have a STUPENDOUS week!