Emotional Rollercoaster does not adequately describe how I’ve been feeling. I was fine with the schools closing, I was fine with being moved to “work from home” on my full-time job, I was fine with being called in more on my part-time job, I was fine with not having my hair and nails done…wait, I’m lying about those, but I was fine…until I wasn’t.
I’ve experienced the stages of grief. I’ve tried to support as many local restaurants as possible, but my orders are starting to be incorrect and my food is starting to be nasty. I am typically a social drinker, but between neighbors being up all hours of the night with their arguments, smoking, babies crying, dogs barking, grass cutting, weed eating and leaf blowing (I promise they will only have dirt for yards when this is over), Michai working 3rd shift on that Playstation saying, “Bruh, come on. Bruh, what are you doing? Bruh…”, I can now offer a few wine suggestions. *Note the photo above for my range of feelings and the photo below as an example of Michai*
Michai’s a bit oblivious to what’s really going on and I’m not overloading him with information because I feel enough of his childhood, specifically as a black boy, has been stripped and also because we’re usually not awake at the same time. I’ve always supported educators, but want to thank his teachers and coaches for the encouraging messages they send and kindness shared during conversation. Michai said his “school stomach” only activates when he’s in school, so he can’t go to sleep without eating first. My room is now also a pantry so I can, in the words of my grandma, “lounce out food” in order to limit the number of grocery store trips.
Speaking of grandmas…are we taking care of ourselves better than our grandparents took/take care of themselves? I ask because many seem surprised at the number of black people dying from the virus. I spoke about disparities earlier this year (it feels like it should be 2021 by now) to a community class of ~64 people, and from those who responded to the survey, many only spoke about the day being long and how wrong we were for subjecting them to a privilege walk exercise. The racial/health disparities have been for generations and the current situation has only exacerbated them.
If you’re a follower of my Chronicles, you know how much I talk about handwashing and how people need to cover their mouths because, “it’s always flu season.” Those are standards of living and usually get a laugh. Silence arises when I discuss race as it remains a touchy subject. Want to know what else remains? US DYING at faster rates than any other race.
Our neighborhoods still don’t have good food options, health and education equity are minute, yet we are still being begged to vote. Per the attached clip, we have to “WAKE UP!” One of my favorite professors passed this week and the most memorable lesson he offered me was, “It’s better to be proactive than reactive.” We have to band together and, instead of worrying about who our brothers and sisters choose to sleep with, find out if they have access to the lowest of Maslow’s Hierarchy of needs; food, shelter, (clean) air, etc. We have to pool our resources and continue creating and supporting each other. Instagram, Facebook and Netflix (and wine) have been saving graces for me; and outside of Tiger King, Black people remain as some of the most creative and entertaining people on those outlets. Many artists have offered their gifts to raise money for those affected by this situation. I.LOVE.US, I want us ALL to win and I will die trying to make sure it happens.
As for now, I’m going to finish my Easter wine as I wait for the Clark Sisters’ story to debut on Lifetime, try not to rattle my popcorn bag too loud so Michai won’t come in here being nosey, and pray my diaphragm shifts back to its normal position because I clearly wasn’t this fat the last time I painted my toenails.
I encourage you to feel what you feel and not try to force something profound to come out of this. We will all come out of this different, but just focus on coming out right now. Should you find yourself having emotional trouble coming out, I met an amazing therapist, Rwenshaun Miller, who is a pro at virtual sessions. Also meditate…meditation has saved a lot of lives and jail time. In the meantime (oxymoronic I know), also do what you can to be more woke…and act on that wokeness…
Always so on point!!