Developmental Milestones Continue…

…to be reached by Michai (AND ME 😩)! The CDC’s list stops at 5 years. We need a list to help us get through these teenage years!!!

As I talk to people, parents and those who aren’t parents, about things Michai says and does, a couple of things I constantly hear are, “He’ll learn” and “You gotta let him fall.”

1. How will he learn if he’s not taught?

2. Why let him fall/fail (what I also hear when I hear fall) if I can help prevent it?

Black people face enough adversity as it is, mix that with the one million other life events I have no experience with and I say, Michai will have ample opportunity to learn and fall/fail, so why not help him as much as I can?

I’ve been consistenly talking to Michai about his DoorDash habit, going to the caf, and budgeting.

Michai: *Continues to swipe 💳*

I gave him an allowance in late February and told him it had to last until the end of the semester. I knew it probably wouldn’t and I also knew I had to stand firm because he otherwise wouldn’t learn. We had a conversation about checking his account before swiping to not incur possible overdraft fees and all was well…or so I thought.

He came to town a couple weeks ago and had an A T T I T U DE! He will say it was due to an allergic reaction, which he did experience, and I will say it’s because he felt broke. It was because he was choosing the privilege/convenience of DoorDash over the need to WALK TO THE CAF! Mix his attitude with some other things that took place where I felt I wasn’t being heard and that he was determined to do things his way, and I told him I was backing off. I went radio silent!

I was frustrated as a parent with how other kids listen and mine won’t, I was emotionally drained with knowing the outcome of his actions that he can’t see because he hasn’t lived long enough, I was sick because he was letting NCAT keep $4,000 of the meal plan he wasn’t using AND giving an astronomical amount to DoorDash and the vending machines which is an added habit this semester (they need to go back to accepting paper money and coins only!), and I had other things going on. I said to myself…“He’ll learn. I gotta let him find out” (I still can’t use fall or fail 🤷🏾).

I was quiet. Michai periodically reached out and I took my time responding. I struggled with taking my time because there’s so much happening that you’re here today and gone tomorrow so I didn’t want to intentionally take my time and mess around and something happens (a trauma and real life response). I had to, though. For my sanity and for his well being.

Fast forward to yesterday where I reached out to inquire about summer school/job plans so I can talk about my schedule should he expect to use my car. He responded quickly and was talkative which let me know he picked up what I was putting down 💁🏾. He mentioned FedEx because of their payroll regimen. I told him to calculate the hours and whether it would help him academically to determine whether it was worth it. In other words, Michai ain’t about that FedEx life 😂. I also told him that no matter how much money he got, it wouldn’t last if he didn’t BUDGET! This is where those Crosby Scholars’ AAMPED Financial Literacy classes were inserted.

Speaking of AAMPED…Fast forward ‘forward’ to last night where I ran into Mr. Watts and a few other people who continue to support Michai and I FaceTimed Michai so they could see him. The smile he gave helped me to deeply exhale. I asked where he was and he told me, “The caf.” It was then that “I know’d dere was a gawd.”

I know him going to the caf takes him out of his comfort zone. Life is full of moments where we may have to do some things we don’t feel like doing, though. Learning something new. Going somewhere new.

Michai has been doing things his way SINCE BIRTH…he literally came out when HE FELT LIKE IT, so I don’t think that will change. I don’t really want it to change. I do want him to make room for adjustments. One of which is swiping the meal card more than his debit card 🫣😩.

It’s tough having to teach AND enforce the lessons. I remain grateful for the encouragement from the village!!! Year one is almost complete. Can y’all believe it?