Happy Birthday To Michai And His Dad (Sort Of…)

Michai is employed and you can’t tell him nothing!  He had Civics and Economics in the Fall of 2019, where they discussed subject matter such as taxes and cost of living.  He also participates in a finance class through Crosby Scholar’s AAMPED, so when I saw him calculating what he thought was to be deposited into his account on payday, I GENTLY reminded him to expect deductions due to taxes.  That’s where I received the, “I know about taxes Mom 🙄. I’ve talked to some of my friends and they said taxes aren’t that much.” I stopped going back and forth with him a while ago because: 1. He’s a Leo and 2. Experience is the greatest teacher

The night before payday, he asked me to take him to buy shoes.  He also had items, in multiple carts, ready to purchase. Our credit union’s app allows us to see scheduled withdrawals/deposits, so Michai could see what to expect the following day.  It was at that moment, he rushed into my room to ask, “HOW MUCH DO THEY TAKE OUT FOR TAXES???”  I felt bad, but that didn’t stop me from laughing while saying, “You told me you knew about taxes.” Him: I do, and my friends said they don’t take out that much; only $20/$25. Me: Do you know how many hours your friends work? Did y’all discuss your hourly rates, ’cause the more you make, the more they take? Him: 😳😔🤦🏾‍♂️🚶🏾‍♂️🚶🏾‍♂️🚶🏾‍♂️

None of that has prevented my Zooms from being interrupted by loud knocks by Amazon, followed by text messages asking, “Are you home? Did you get my package?”  Nevertheless, I’m incredibly proud of him. It was his idea to work. He completed the application, reached out to the references and I heard he did well on his interview. (There will be a blog entry about WHERE he works later)

• 

Michai turned 16 today so that involves hosting his “lil friend” today and the guys tomorrow…sanitized, socially distanced and mainly outside.

As much as I people watch, I missed Michai’s Dad being an alcoholic.  I missed it because I was frustrated about the times he forgot to pay for daycare, the times he forgot to pick Michai up from daycare and I was angry because I didn’t understand why those things happened when both his parents continue to be present and active in his life. My grandmother and mother always said, “You gotta be careful with who you procreate with.”  In my mind, I didn’t do a good job of listening, but the reality was I missed the signs.

Michai’s Dad has two degrees, never misses work, is active in his daughters’ lives and knew the importance of the presence of a Black father, but was still absent. I never smelled alcohol on his breath and his playful personality is the same drunk or sober, so that wasn’t telling. Something just wasn’t adding up.

I was mad, and mad my mother wasn’t mad too. She would always say, “Keep praying, he’ll come around.” Me: Chile please 🙄.  He did come around though, after a couple DUIs, court appearances and a near death experience that included shutting down I-40.

He ultimately opted for residential treatment and is now able to celebrate 1 year of sobriety!!!  He looks better, he says he feels better and is now present in ALL his children’s lives; a bit too much for Michai during the times when he thinks his Dad will talk me into letting him do something but, in turn, his dad agrees with me. 🤣

Why does celebrating a year of sobriety matter? Because our Black family members need every ounce of encouragement to continue to live holistically healthy lives. It matters because substance/alcohol abuse doesn’t look the same for everyone; as the daughter of an addict, I couldn’t believe I missed the signs in Michai’s Dad. It matters because I took my mother’s advice, and refrained from  impeding his relationship with Michai and/or speaking ill of him in front of Michai; I said a whole lot of stuff in my head though 💁🏾‍♀️. It matters because it’s important to not criminalize substance/alcohol users and it matters because it’s important to receive treatment in its ENTIRETY.  What really matters is to understand how substance/alcohol abuse affects the whole family and, while those effects may look different in every family, it’s imperative for the whole family to receive therapy, because THERAPY MATTERS!

Wash your hands, Wear your mask, Wait 6 feet and do whatever else you need to do to remain well…holistically well! ✊🏾

•