I Live Human Relations

Upon graduating from Leadership Winston-Salem in 2017, I made a commitment to be the voice for the voiceless. That commitment has come with a hefty price.

I have been a member of the Human Relations and Healthcare committees since graduation, and this year I was “hoodwinked” into being the Chair of Human Relations. Although I knew it would take some effort, I was kind of looking forward to the opportunity. The previous Chair had a great experience and had support from the organization’s leadership. She is White though.

They at least waited until about the third meeting before giving me resistance and it was sort of downhill from there with leadership and some of the committee. I constantly wrestled with what to say and how to say it because everything I said and did was being watched. A couple situations kept me up at night and gave me migraines.

We presented to the 2020 class today. Administration was distant and I’ve been asked whether I will meet with them to discuss my experience? My response is, my energy will be better spent with people who: 1. Are willing to listen and/or change and 2. Don’t worry about their board or funders to make necessary decisions. Listed below is an abbreviated version of how I welcomed the class. A bit heavy, but my heart and mind needed to be cleared.

One of your classmates mentioned how angry she was about some things and questioned, “Why we can’t publicly say we’re angry?” Courage called me to join this committee because I LIVE HUMAN RELATIONS, as a Winston-Salem/Forsyth County student who made the decision to attend and graduate from a High School outside of my district because all schools aren’t equally resourced. I LIVE HUMAN RELATIONS as a single mother of a male teen who wears hoodies over a lot of kinky hair, whose 8th grade science teacher called me on my job to say she feared him because he was looking at her with “those eyes,” and who now attends the same high school I did because, 20 years later, all schools STILL aren’t equally resourced. I LIVE HUMAN RELATIONS as one who once used and still wishes I had access to Food Stamps because healthy food is expensive. I LIVE HUMAN RELATIONS as a former medicaid recipient, but now self-medicate by paying more to eat healthy food in order to avoid large medical bills since I have a high deductible health insurance plan I can’t afford. I LIVE HUMAN RELATIONS as someone who needed a sliding scale to pay for after-school childcare, but was consistently questioned about my need because I was told I didn’t “look like” I needed assistance. I LIVE HUMAN RELATIONS as a recipient of a partial scholarship to attend Leadership Winston-Salem, and was immediately notified when my installments were late. I LIVE HUMAN RELATIONS as one who was congratulated, in a professional setting, by a white woman who was surprised I used correct grammar. I LIVE HUMAN RELATIONS, as part of a population that, as another one of your classmates mentioned, is the most undervalued and disrespected, yet this is the same population of Black women who comes through for the culture EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. I LIVE HUMAN RELATIONS. So I, too, am angry, but my anger has to be suppressed in order to get things accomplished; otherwise I am deemed with sterotypes and microaggressions of being the “Angry Black Woman,” unapproachable, hypersensitive, unwilling to listen, over-analytical and easily offended, resulting in me being censored before I even open my mouth. When my class presented on our final day, I said I was committed to being the voice for the voiceless. While I stand by that commitment, chairing this committee and doing this work ain’t been no crystal stair.

I’m saying this to say, we all have stories that drive who we are and what we do. Some of us, for a number of reasons, can’t be as authentic as we would like, but I encourage you to be more authentic than you were last week and be even more authentic in the days ahead.

The experience wasn’t entirely terrible; the committee showed up and most of them offered genuine and loving support. The class seemed to have an authentic experience, like REALLY authentic…it was held at a church, but that didn’t stop some cussing and smoking from going on. 🤭