After learning I was pregnant the same night I graduated from undergrad in 2003, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to work 12-hour shifts as a nurse since that meant I was either going to miss my baby waking up or putting them to bed and I didn’t want to miss either.
When Michai was a little over a year old, I learned a high school friend (whose mother was instrumental in how I got accepted into WSSU) returned to Winston-Salem after graduating from NCCU. I inquired about where he was working and if he could help me get hired? He sent me the application. I applied. I didn’t hear anything. He got me in touch with an HR contact who said she couldn’t tell from my resume whether I had a degree. I confirmed I had one and she hired me.
My first day at Blue Cross NC was February 20, 2006.
I was ready to immediately immerse myself in the culture. I learned how the home office was in Durham, NC, I learned corporate purchased what used to be Partners, and many of the former Partners employees were who populated the Winston-Salem office. My trainer introduced me to “Dionn Owen and Renaissance” and that is where I was able to sing again while showing Michai what spiritual love should look like. That same trainer had also recently purchased a home. I asked him to introduce me to his realtor and this is where life began to life. The adage “What God has for me, is for me” was exemplified, AND my wanting what others had without understanding how they got it and/or how to keep it led me down a path I have had to slowly walk.
I went to the realtor explaining that I wanted to purchase a home for me and my son because it was time to move out of my mom’s condo. Her furniture wasn’t kid-friendly, she had recently retired and deserved to have her space to herself. It was the ‘adult’ thing to do. The realtor did what I asked, and I purchased a townhome in July of 2006. The problem was, I wasn’t educated enough to know WHAT to ask and I didn’t truly understand what homeownership meant. I was just following the steps of obtaining the “American Dream.” I didn’t know about saving for repairs, the cost of HOAs, etc.
A family friend had purchased a new car and, although my car was okay and functional with low car payments, I WANTED one, too. I went to the same salesman who, again, gave me what I wanted without offering the pros and cons, and without me understanding the differences in our financial situations which would result in the difference in our monthly payments. She leased. I purchased. She didn’t have a mortgage. I did. She was 9 years older, so she had a more established career. I was months into mine. Her credit was good, mine was 😬.
The info above is why I jumped on the things the Crosby Scholars’ AAMPED Program offered related to financial literacy!!!
I found myself working multiple jobs to make ends meet (I should have stayed home a little longer to save more). I totaled the new car, after having it less than a year, because I was looking back at Michai for smacking (I HATE smacking) on a Pop Tart. When I turned back, the truck in front of me darted into the next lane, and the car in front of it was stopped, I ran into the back of it and the driver happened to be one of my neighbors who ultimately never spoke to me again. I didn’t know about GAP insurance and its purpose. I didn’t how much value new cars lose once they leave the lot, so I was upside down on a loan and needed a car ASAP!
Got a used car that was nothing like the new one, however, the payments were reasonable.
Oh, no one told me how much I should have saved for car repairs either, ESPECIALLY since the Mr. Joneses (Chris Paul’s grandfather who repaired cars at the most reasonable rates) of the world were few and far between.
I was excelling at Blue Cross. I worked the 12p-9p shift and was on a dedicated team where I only talked to employees of specific companies. It was slower in the evenings so that allowed me to take advantage of the company’s partnership of attending Pfeiffer University to obtain my graduate degree. This is when I also learned the distinct differences between the Durham and Winston offices, AND where my Blackness was highlighted and challenged by other Blacks…specifically Black women. I was named aggressive (instead of assertive) and unapproachable. I was 2006/7ish years old when I learned I was an introvert and the unapproachable characteristic was simply me being in my own world.
Michai was in daycare and getting a lot of ear infections, so I was having to call out of work a lot which wasn’t good as a new employee. I was judged and looked at as using Michai as an excuse to not come to work. Thankfully, the same boss who recruited me to her team had a son who went to high school with Michai’s dad so she trusted me. RELATIONSHIPS MATTER! She was also a mom and understood that sicknesses at an early age happen. I also had coworkers, who turned into friends, donate PTO when I would run out near the end of the year. They donated again after I got sick and needed surgery in 2008.
I should’ve gotten fired after I didn’t have any PTO and had to abruptly leave work when Michai had a seizure due to a high fever around 2009. Again, that boss understood as a mom and she witnessed how hard I worked, so she talked to HR and made sure I didn’t get fired or lose pay; she educated me on FMLA and helped me sign up.
Michai was growing and getting healthier. I finished my graduate degree, so I had a little time on my hands to see what was going on in Durham. It was A LOT going on and it was nothing like the offerings the Winston employees were exposed to! I signed up for as many trainings and volunteer efforts as I could. I also had a new (Black woman) boss who felt threatened by me. Even though they were company-sponsored events, the heffa would only approve me going to Durham if I took PTO. I took the PTO and got the mileage reimbursement, too. I volunteered to build playgrounds, I became an ambassador for the company’s Foundation, I joined and helped lead affinity groups, I would attend the events leadership didn’t want to attend so I could see where the money was, I made sure Durham knew Winston existed by consistently advocating for similar opportunities and sponsorships. RELATIONSHIPS MATTER!
This went on from 2008/9 until 2020.
In the interim, I had four Black male bosses, two of whom were also challenged by my personality, and two Black women bosses, one of whom was a bitch and wanted to push her weight around. My current Black woman boss is different and the fact I report to an entire line of SUPPORTIVE people of color means a lot because I am also dealing with race issues in the Winston community. With Michai in school and after going through Leadership Winston-Salem, I feel like I found leadership who got me.
During our check-ins I would often tell my boss I wanted to do something different, once Michai graduated, that would allow me to use more of my skills. She would ask what that ‘something different’ looked like, and I would not ever have an answer other than, “nothing in leadership!!!” I did NOT want to be responsible for other people’s careers 🤷🏾.
Go to Part 4 to learn where I was with housing/transportation…
Covid came, George Floyd happened, and I got angry. I started speaking up and, surprisingly, I was being listened to. Leadership (an Indian male director) looked out for me by asking me to be placed in an area where my voice could be heard since I couldn’t perform my regular tasks at the hospital. I connected the company with local organizations and institutions. I STRONGLY advocated for HBCUs and insisted they understood the differences in what funding means to them versus PWIs.
I knew it was time to do so something different, yet the job market looked different. I asked around, and the things I was passionate about had all been volunteer work. Kellie began shifting that in 2021 with Kijiji and when she exposed me to the Center for Trauma Resilient Communities’ trainings. I immediately clicked with one of the cofounders because she sensed my angst, allowed me to express it, and helped me work through it. I was one of very few Blacks in the room, so I began training to become a Trauma Resilience trainer. I also joined two boards as I supported Michai to the graduation finish line. I continued volunteering; however, Kellie highlighted my gifts/talents, and advocated for ways for me to be paid for them.
Michai left for NCAT and I was at home snacking, going to meetings/brunches/lunches/dinners/meetings, and back home to snack while having to parent Michai a little stronger through the rough academic adjustment to college. I got comfortable with Blue Cross work and realized I needed to rest from being so responsible. 🥱🛌
The responsibility returned in early 2023 as I was motivated to look for that something different. I don’t do well with traditional. Everything in my life must have a little flare, so the resumes and the interviews all get on my nerves. Kellie mentioned a job. I really wasn’t qualified for it, and I wasn’t all that prepared for the interview. I didn’t get it. Because I was planning to do something different, and the rent was increasing by ~$300, not to mention knowing the suspect maintenance guys whom I’d had some questionable interactions with had 24-hour access to my apartment didn’t sit well with me. I reached out to Allonda again.
Back to Part 4…
…learn my role had been eliminated. I expressed to my boss how I wasn’t surprised and that I had just put a house under contract. I went into attack mode for 48 hours with trying to find a job. I was calling people and asking about job openings, also pressing orgs for info on their timeliness of hiring. I woke up on day 3 and said to myself, “This isn’t how we operate. We are grown now and it’s time for us to rely on faith.” Even though Blue Cross said they would expedite the hiring process for those of us who were being separated from the company, they couldn’t guarantee it would happen before my August 25th closing date, so I became perfectly okay with accepting the severance package. Allonda called on August 8th to basically say we’re running out of time for me to find a job and would I mind if she pressed the lender to expedite the closing? I told her I had no problem with her reaching out, and that I was “letting the chips fall where they may.” My boss called me on August 11th to offer me a position (minus the rigmarole hiring process). The position would require me driving to Charlotte M-F beginning in October. I accepted under the condition she knew I was planning to apply for a position outside the company and that she wouldn’t feel a way if I left in 30 days. RELATIONSHIPS MATTER!!!
Part 4…
I applied for the job and was offered the position on August 30th with a salary ABOVE what I asked (you know the verse), after seeking advice on how I should approach the salary range considering all the responsibilities of the position. ALL YOU NEED IS A MUSTARD SEED!!!
Thank you to Blue Cross for 17 years of experience and opportunities for me to learn what my passions are. Thank you to my leadership team who showed me what true support looks like. Thank you for allowing me to be the mother I wanted to be to Michai because the recent report about the disproportionate suspension rates of Black students further proves why I HAD to select the schools he attended, why I HAD to volunteer, why I HAD to advocate for him, and why I HAD to explain the importance of attending an HBCU! These are Black women who trust each other to shoot it straight with no hard feelings. They heard AND listened to me, and seamlessly worked together to produce good work and better people. RELATIONSHIPS MATTER!!!
Part 4 one last time…