What Goes On In This House, Stays In This House…or does it?

People were frequently at my grandparent’s house seeking wisdom and/or gossiping. They knew their secrets, lies and gossip were safe in those walls because my grandparents weren’t messy people. What they didn’t know is my grandmother instilled the saying, “What goes on in this house, stays in this house…”, so we were fearful about repeating anything we heard.

That saying has been passed through generations in black households and one I still give Michai the 👀 about when we have certain discussions. My sister and I dealt with our own separate issues and it was during those times I learned that saying came with caveats; one being, when we needed help with something our mother knew someone else had better tools to assist, i.e. therapists.

My first experience with a therapist was around the 8th grade; when my father went to prison for an extended period of time and I was sexually assaulted. That was also when I learned I needed a certain type of therapist. I knew they had to have more experience than what they learned in school, i.e. they had to have been through some ‘thangs’, to be able to identify, understand and help.

Fast forward to the present where I have to make a decision about whether Michai is being a typical teen or if I need to take steps to prevent certain generational behaviors. My mother has pushed for therapy since he was in the 5th grade. While I wasn’t opposed, I knew he needed a certain type of therapist. What I didn’t know until recently is, it’s hard for me to admit I don’t have the tools to help my son in all areas.

I repeat things like, “There’s no handbook to parenting; Utilize your resources; Be holistically healthy; Don’t be afraid to talk about mental health…”, but scheduling an appointment with a therapist somehow made me feel like I was failing because I had to go outside of the house for help.

Early in this quarantine, I made the decision to proceed with therapy. We had time, we could do it virtually and I found a black male therapist…or so I thought. I am loyal, so I initially went to the first therapist I was referred to and who I had also begun discussions with about my needs. However, the office was slow in responding and was not addressing my questions. Say it with me… “Thick Thighs, Thin Patience.”

Honestly, I was low-key hoping it wouldn’t work with them, because I wanted to try a guy who’d done a presentation at work and left me so hopeful about mental health in the black community. I won’t give the presentation away, but he came with visuals and was so transparent about what he’d been through. One thing that sticks out was his experience with having more students in his freshmen science class at Carolina, than his graduating class in Bertie County. This is something that’s not discussed enough with student athletes, specifically black ones, and why I push hard for HBCUs.

I called the office of Rwenshaun Miller and his business manager was just as real as he is, she was efficient and professional. Within 48 hours we were virtually meeting Rwenshaun. I felt good, Michai’s father felt good, and I learned this morning, Michai has even told his friends about him. I think that may be because he plays Playstation with clients to meet them where they are and to not make therapy traditional. He had Michai talking so much last week, I had to close my door so I could work.

The shirt is part of his brand. It’s rainy and we are 30+ days into isolation, so I felt today was a good day to wear mine, where I got the, “I feel you” nod from a few people.

If you’re not able to check on your friends because you need to check on yourself, find someone who works for you. Don’t suffer in silence because you were taught to not tell your business. Rwenshaun offers Adult Coloring Nights and other virtual options to help all ages.

You may purchase your own shirt here…https://www.eustressinc.org/store/smallstrongfriend