Being an introvert is often a topic of my conversations, and I’ve recently included discussions about being an empath. Both help me describe my emotions and attribute to what I’m feeling at a particular time. The two topics have become more accepted since the pandemic, but they still do not eliminate the literal and figurative eye rolls I receive from people on Zooms (on and off camera), and in my personal life (in-person and over the phone).
Some feel my descriptions of my personality and my emotions are excuses to me not wanting to be bothered and, at times, they are right about one part…I don’t want to be bothered, other times, as referenced in a previous post, I don’t have the capacity to carry what they want to unpack.
I’m absolutely not the only one who feels like this, but many in the Black community lack the language and the emotional intelligence to articulate their feelings. Approximately 50 community members, ranging from ages 17-70+, participated in a twelve hour conference this weekend to begin the process to change that, and ultimately left with an understanding of what being emotionally intelligent looks like, and an increase in their feelings vocabulary.
There were many highlights of the conference but, as someone who participates in a lot of focus groups and trainings, there were a couple that resonated with me:
1. Participants were compensated for their time!!! Members of the Black community are included in some research, but we rarely learn the results of the research, and we rarely receive a return on the knowledge investment we provide.
2. Organizations/systems ultimately profit/benefit from the knowledge we provide, and many of those organizations are led by people who don’t look like us, yet The ABCs (About Building Community) of ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) Community Development Conference, was conducted FOR US, BY US!
ACEs “are traumatic events that occur before a child reaches the age of 18”, and when there’s a room of people mostly over the age of 18 who are receiving confirmation to why they feel as they do, affirmation that they don’t have to stay there, and tools to help their families and children do the same…a shift happens in the room and in the community.
That doesn’t come without us being us, so the topic of the slap at the Oscars arose which caused a different shift in the room and, while it brought some underlying issues within our community to the surface, it ended with a “Lotta Love!”
The organizations I mentioned earlier are typically nonprofits, many of whom do similar work but are forced to compete, versus collaborate, for funding. The conference brought about that shift as it was produced by Nourishing Forsyth which is a collaboration of Forsyth Family Power, The Feelings Company, Center for Trauma Resilient Communities, Forsyth County Association of Educators, Love Out Loud, Kijiji and other grassroots organizations. All are coming together to not only help our community heal, but to also help decrease the number of ACEs for our children, because *say it with me* “when you know better, you do better.”
The hurt discussed was heavy, but witnessing the healing process begin in real-time reflects the community I know and love, and something I’m grateful to have shared with Michai who also shared it with some of his classmates and his father.
Karen Cuthrell, aka Miss KK and the creator of “Lotta Love”, is leading the Nourishing Forsyth initiative and also led the conference. She’s a creative, a visionary, a change-agent, and a giver who admittedly struggles with asking for help, receiving help and ridding herself of the “I’ll do it myself” attitude.
Another real-time shift happened when members of her team, myself included, were able to sit her down and express the successes and challenges of the conference and, because we all want her and her visions to succeed, how she was going to have to rely on community to help her with end-to-end planning. It was a challenge for me because I do NOT like conflict, especially on the tail of an emotionally challenge experience, but this ain’t about me, Miss KK, or her team…this is about community. So while Frederick The Fatigued Ferret, and parts of Angie The Angry Tiger wanted to surface, Lotta Love The Lovaroo prevailed!!!
Follow the Kijiji Winston-Salem Facebook page to learn more about how you can be involved and the results of the research…❤️❤️❤️
What a wonderful summary of a great conference.