Michaimom.com is 6 Years Old🫢

I wish I was reminded of the birthday of my blog on my own, however, the notification of when the domain subscription fee will be drafted from my bank account serves as that reminder 😒. It’s been an eventful year ain’t it? I would detail what I mean by that, if it weren’t for this year making me aware of the number of lurkers who mean me no good (insert middle finger).

Being ‘Michai’s Mom’ has kept me on my toes since labor; he came out when he got good and ready. This year was different. He moved back home and our relationship has been great. It was just, as his mother, I could tell something was off. His behavior was different, he was losing weight, he was holding back and, recently, he started avoiding me. My intuition told me it was school. I still wanted to communicate with him, as the adult he is, and allow him to tell me.

I asked questions and followed up with, “It’s okay if you feel your answer will be something I don’t like. Just tell me and we’ll work through it together.” Nothing was getting through. Now, I don’t know what more I have to do for folk to understand I am skilled to do certain things. I may not practice nursing, yet I’m trained to assess people and situations. Trauma resilience facilitation is one of the things I do for work, so I watch changes in behavior to understand what the changes mean, and navigate what support may look like. I have been doing some spiritual work that has awakened something that pushes me to pay attention to, and TRUST, my intuition. I rarely have to search for information I need to know…the universe always finds a way to reveal it to me.

Nevertheless, the people still be out here thinking I don’t know what I know.

My support system remains unmatched, and they’ve shown up in recent weeks after I learned Michai stopped going to school this semester, and doesn’t want to return next semester.

For those who keep up, and many of you do, he was supposed to graduate in May. He told his dad and me, last May, that he was done with school…he hated it and the way it made him feel…he’d work as much as he needed to in order to care for himself as long as we didn’t make him return. He even considered the military. His dad told him, “Be careful with quitting because, once you start, it becomes easier to walk away from things (he said something else, yet I won’t put that here 😁). Michai cried, yet agreed to push through this last year.

Because he lost financial aid, I took out a loan to cover summer school, his dad, MY dad (if you know his story, then you know why that is a surprise), a friend and her family created a scholarship and awarded Michai as the first recipient, and I closed my eyes every month I hit submit on the payments to cover fall semester 🫣. We paid it, though.

I asked about grades. I asked to see grades. I asked about registration. I asked about the outcome of the SAP appeal so we could verify if he would be eligible for aid in the spring. Even if I had to ask a couple times, I got answers to the questions. Still, my intuition (I cringe when I type this because it includes TUITION 😭) said, “Something ain’t right.”

Payment for spring semester was due a couple weeks ago, yet I didn’t have a bill. I planned to call because I needed to know the financial mountain we were going to have to climb, especially since my finances had changed. I asked Michai whether I would experience any surprises when I called financial aid? He looked me in my eyes and said, “No.” Deep down I knew I would learn what I had been sensing was true yet, again, I was giving HIM the opportunity to share.

I called financial aid, who sent me to the registrar. After asking questions, the registrar’s office contact said, “You need to have a conversation with your son.” EVERYONE knows that translates to, “You ain’t gon’ like what I tell you, so you need to hear it from him.” 😏

I called Michai and he had put me on DND. I wanted to go back home, yet I was scheduled to meet people in Winston-Salem who had donations for Full Circle Mentoring. One donor was a friend who’s known Michai since his middle school days in WSSU’s MSEN program. She’s been following us through the years. In fact, she’s who introduced me to the 1Love Festival. She made time to donate even after she shared her father had transitioned earlier in the week. She hung around to ask how Michai was doing? I told her I had JUST learned he hadn’t registered for the spring, and something tells me he didn’t go to school this semester. She assured me he’d be fine, and I needed to focus on myself. She offered an analogy she heard from a minister about sand. “If you hold sand in your closed hand, it will seep through your fingers. If you open your hand, the sand will rest in your palm. You’ve done a great job raising him. You’re going to have to release him.” I tried to hold the tears because she should be the one crying since she just lost her father. I couldn’t hold them. They dripped from under my sunglasses and practically froze to my face because it was so cold that day.

That was a Tuesday, and a day has NOT gone by where someone has asked about Michai. That’s not all that surprising as people ask about him all the time. What made me chuckle and say, “Okay God, I see you, feel you, and hear you. You can back up off me!”, is the intentionality behind their asks. It was as if they knew something was up. When I told them, they ALL assured me that he’ll eventually finish school. Many have also shared insight into their lives, their children’s lives, and/or their partner’s lives that revealed Michai is right where he needs to be.

Let me be very clear…applying, enrolling, and attending college was MICHAI’S CHOICE, not Michai’s Mom. Honestly, after his junior year in high school (y’all remember 🤨) I didn’t think he’d even apply to college. My words to him have always been, “Let me know your plans so we can map out what support looks like and, whatever path you take, just finish what you start!” Black folk typically don’t have the luxury of having a college fund, so we work for scholarships, and try to get in and GET OUT! Ain’t no 5, 6, 7 years over here. So me finding out that Michai lied about school wasn’t all that disappointing, the disappointment came because he felt he had to carry that weight alone.

Once he took me off DND, he listened to my tearful audio message, and he sent an emotional one back. It took us a couple days to have a conversation in person, due to scheduling, and being emotionally well enough to listen to each other. We talked, we heard each other, we listened, and it was as if I could see the weight on him getting lighter by the moment. He named that he was no longer passionate about school, he just wanted to work and try his own path. What he mentioned, and didn’t think as much about it as I did, was he hadn’t had an appetite. He also remained emotional and couldn’t explain why. All of this signaled me to ask for help because his freedom lied in the answer to him being emotional. I reached out to a spiritual guide who graciously pulled his astrology chart, and MY WORD! Two things (out of MANY) that were revealing and helped Michai get free (and selfishly freed me, too) were:

• You’re becoming-not behind
• This is not a “rush forward” year. It’s a foundation-building year. 🤯🤯🤯

This info confirmed what I’d been hearing from the village, and took the pain out of my belly so I could let him be who is going to be, while knowing he’ll be fine. This is the same one who came into this world when he got good and ready, the same one who told me in middle school that he was going to strive for honor roll either 1st and 3rd quarters, or 2nd and 4th…NOT ALL 4, and the same one I had to tell I knew something wasn’t right when he said he was making As and Bs this semester. Not that he’s incapable, I just know he’s not that kind of student 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Always grateful for our village, and grateful to my mother who guided my sister and me along our journeys, and we can now guide Michai along his. Thank you to those who ask me about the “Parenting Chronicles” as you’ve watched Michai mature through so much. All of it reiterates to him what I tell him all the time, “There are so many people you don’t even know who want the best for you. You don’t have to be out here not eating, avoiding me because I remind you of responsibility, or suffering in silence. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!”

Michai’s communicating, eating (his food AND mine), awake more, whistling, laughing, and giving Sezzle all his money 🙄, so he’s using my skin care products because he won’t tell me he needs to place an order at OMG Wellness. Mainly because I’m going to make him pay me back.

So yeah…we’re celebrating 6 years of the blog, and 21 years of being a mom. TWENTY AND ONE! I…MICHA…HAVE A 21 YEAR OLD!!!

‘Be vigilant, Be Careful, and I Pray You Continue to Be Well”, mind your business, leave people alone, find somewhere to volunteer, wash your hands (the whole hand and not just the finger tips), brush/floss/gargle, support Black businesses and Black nonprofits, be honest, don’t take advantage of folk, find me a quick weight loss remedy that won’t have me looking like a Demogorgon, encourage our youth and each other because this lifeing shit is HARD and, DO NOT BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP BECAUSE…THIS.LIFEING.SHIT.IS.HARD!!!

*Michai has to pay the scholarship back, and I’ve already told the friend to get the money back from NCAT that’s sitting in his account for spring. He also has to pay ME back, ’cause why didn’t he withdraw so we didn’t have to keep paying?!? What happens when you don’t ask for help🫰🏾💰*