Trauma Resilience: The Elephant in the Room

I like to plan ahead because it tends to make things operate smoothly. After entering the corporate world I began to understand, if my plans included someone else, it was hard to dictate the outcome. The older I get, including and/or depending on others increases anxiety because not everyone values time the same. Add the pandemic to that…plans can pretty much be thrown away. A Covid cluster hit Mt. Tabor resulting in Michai being quarantined, which shifted my plans for a 3-day training until I realized…Michai is now 17 and can take care of himself (most of the time 😳) 🙌🏾.

The training was about trauma resilience and is led by the Center for Trauma Resilient Communities. This is about the third or fourth time I’ve interacted with the leadership team, and many of you met Beatriz Vides on the Our Kijiji Vlog. EVERY TIME I engage in training, something happens in my personal life. The last time was the school shooting, this time I had to deal with some administrative issues with the school, and both times I had to decide how I would show up in the space. Do I speak my truth that oftentimes includes my experience as a Black woman/daughter/mother/sister or do I allow training to proceed as planned?

When I arrived at training, I was at the table alone UNTIL a few familiar faces, and a couple new ones, decided to sit with me. I had no idea those faces would show up as they did and I’m forever grateful for it!!! This is the first time I’ve been in a room of professionals where I felt as supported as I did.

1. I wasn’t the only Black person in the room.

2. I wasn’t the only Black person in the room who was able to speak about racism and its effects.

3. I wasn’t the only Black person to speak about racism OUT LOUD understanding the risks that come with it, e.g. tattling, risk of losing funding, risk of not being promoted, etc.

All of the above, along with a lot of other factors, are what bring healing, increased emotional intelligence and CHANGE in our communities so we can begin seeing CHANGE in how our families show up at school.

Day 2’s content revealed a lot of things as it relates to trauma, but racism (whether structural or institutional) failed to be mentioned so I was asked to walk across the room to bring the elephant to our table. Guess who pointed out that racism was missing to the facilitators which influenced them to update the slide and conversation today?!? NOT ME! It was someone else at the table who has been doing social-emotional work for years, understanding the effects of trauma children and adults experience at home and in their communities, will eventually show up with them at school and work. However, social-emotional learning hasn’t been so close to the forefront of decision maker’s minds UNTIL, you know, white kids began feeling scared.

While there was a lot of heavy work/lifting going on, there was also a “Lotta Love” (the name of the finger puppet gifted by a table team member). Educators, community leaders, and influencers who I hope will not let this live in the “another DEI training” category, but will sit with their discomfort for a LITTLE while and then implement the tools learned.

As we ended the day I stated, “Please understand …you can go out and have these “Courageous Conversations” but be prepared for “casualties of war” where you may be the casualty. Everyone on the receiving end hasn’t been trained, so they may feel attacked which may result in them having conversations behind closed doors. If you don’t believe me, show up to the school board meetings where mask mandates are synonymous with critical race theory.”

Thank you to the facilitators, planners and trainees who remained present and participated. Thank you to the Enterprise Center Staff, including my classmate, Chef Shanta of Twin City Catering Company, for taking care of my vegan needs. Thank you to my table team for their support. They coached me to keep advocating for Michai to have his transcript uploaded to Common App. The same transcript I’ve been asking for since AUGUST 😒. They made me feel heard when I shared with them how I debated sending an e-mail to the principal about the commentator on the sport’s streaming service who not only referenced Michai as “Big Boy,” but also said another player got two touchdowns “without doing any of the work and stole it from his brother and another player.” The amount of stereotypes perpetuated in that sentence alone gave me a headache, BUT…

Michai knows he’s not a “Boy” and the other player he referenced isn’t my son; so if no one else says anything about it, why should I? Administration has other things to be worried about. We are counting down to graduation, so just hold your peace, Micha, until June. That’s where the adage, “When you know better, you do better,” came to mind because if I say I’m a “Voice for the Voiceless” this is the time to use my voice and the tools of all the trainings and lived experiences. Three words pushed me to hit send in response to the principal’s response, and those words also changed the trajectory of training. They were spoken by a young Black woman with her PhD who I pray nothing but the best for…“Intent versus Impact.” Intent versus impact…sit with that white people. Sit with that educators. Sit with that Black people who attempt to “whitesplain” the uncomfortable conversations Black people have. Sit with that parents, coaches, family and friends.

I will, and should I say something that doesn’t reflect that I’m practicing intent versus impact, I give you permission to have a courageous conversation with me. Just know, it doesn’t take the casualty of war risk off the table. 💁🏾‍♀️🙂🤷🏾‍♀️